Bling

Bling

I turned 50 in June this year, and apparently, “50 being the new 30” is true. My running has improved greatly this summer, I’ve been racing like a maniac AND as an extra added bonus, collecting my share of Age Group awards in the local competitions as well. Depending, of course on the race, the day, the conditions and those days that thankfully the fast guys are somewhere else. Out of the 14 races I’ve run since turning 50, I’ve placed in at least 7 of them, and collected finishers medals in three others, so the percentage of award races is over 70% and rising.

While fun, this does in fact add an extra layer of “stuff” to my life. The recent haul consists of (as mentioned) several finisher and age group medals, a red ribbon, and not one but two trophies, one of which is actually in the shape of a golden Rooster (see my previous blog for THAT story. All of this presents an interesting conundrum. It’s fun to be fast enough to place in these races and collect a medal, trophy, plaque, or even a ribbon, however what do you ultimately do with these things? After admiring them for a day or so (sometimes I leave the trophies in the bathroom so anyone performing ablutions has to marvel at my running prowess) they get relegated to a shelf in my spare bedroom or a box shoved onto a bookshelf out of sight. Years can go by before I look at them again, and then it’s only to glance at them briefly before putting them back into the box and shoving the box out of sight, and therefore out of mind.

My erstwhile running colleague Gregg Herman is a prime example of a running swag hound. He’s been racing for years, is quite accomplished in his age group and as a result has amassed an impressive amount of running awards,

Occupying a large corner office in the Chase Bank building in downtown Milwaukee, all of the horizontal and vertical surfaces of his work space are crammed with the Bling of his running accomplishments. Trophies, medals, ribbons, plaques – you name it. It not only boggles the mind, it numbs the senses as it quickly flows together into a homogenous mass of shiny trinkets

Indeed on one of my last trips to the hallowed space, I was perusing the “Trophy Corner” as it were and while examining one of the larger units, found myself exclaiming “Gregg! Your trophy has BREASTS!” Indeed, he had actually received a women’s award - and hadn’t paid attention - and my theory is that, bling being bling, it had gone unnoticed in the sheer delight in adding to the collection.

(I still chortle merrily when I recount this story to anyone who will listen. It’s one of many great Gregg Herman stories – the trophy with Boobies.)

Later that same day, we completed the UNCF 5K race in downtown Milwaukee, both placing in the same age group (I was second, and he was third, I’m the younger and now faster runner..) Thus, we collected a pair of 16 inch high gold and black trophies heralding our accomplishment. Of course we checked them closely for cleavage before accepting them. After the race, we walked the mile from Veterans Park over downtown Milwaukee surface streets back to Gregg’s office in the Chase building carrying our treasures. This did not go unnoticed by the local inhabitants as the bright sun winked off the shiny gold. Cars honked, passerby’s cheered, entire busloads of people waved and after a few instances of this, we held the trophies overhead and pranced like Rocky Balboa as people applauded us during our “Walk of Fame”. Gregg was enjoying this so much, we even walked an extra block past his office to collect more Love.

As we were doing this, a thought struck me. “You know,” I commented to Gregg as we continued to lug our new bling through downtown Milwaukee. “After we die, one of the first things that will be heard is the grinding, clanking, crash of one of our relatives emptying boxes of our race awards into the nearest dumpster!”

He guffawed loudly and proceed to recount the story of his former law partner, who had seemingly thousands of plaques, Lucite cubes, and other form of bling from his several years of community service. And, indeed when he passed on to the great courtroom in the sky, most of his commemorative items did in fact find their way into a landfill somewhere.

This all got me to thinking about the whole Carbon Footprint of not only the Bling factor, but the whole running/racing experience. Seemingly, running should be one of the most green sports on the planet, consisting of several people putting one foot in front of the other, on god’s green earth and traversing some distance as fast or as diligently as possible, consuming oxygen, exhaling tree and plant nurturing carbon dioxide and not burning fossil fuel in internal combustion engines. Also, this being a healthy pursuit, the activity can have the benefit of extending one’s life expectancy as well as enhancing mental skills and productivity. What could be greener, or more beneficial than that?

Sadly, upon further introspection, this is not necessarily the case. And, the bling factor, much of which will ultimately find it’s way to some landfill (after said clanking, grinding dumpster crash) at some future date is only part of it. There is a lot of “stuff” that is generated by races that we may not be considering.

Anyone who has ever done a major – or even not so major - running event has gotten the obligatory “goodie bag” These bags are generally large handled plastic bags crammed full of paper, sample products, plastic items and lots of flotsam and jetsam. Coupons for local eateries, massage therapists, health clubs and chiropractors abound. The problem with most of these is that they are in fact local, and unless you are close to the community, the chances of actually using them are slim. And, I rarely if ever eat out, or pay for things like Chiropractic or Massage, preferring instead to cook at home, barter, or do without. Therefore, all of this paper finds itself instantly in the recycling bin – a shame as the ink, tree and energy it took to produce it goes largely wasted and then needs to be recycled again. At least I do that.

Further, the sample items are usually Bio-gel or some Moo Udder ointment in either encased in PVC or some non-environmentally friendly aluminum foil condiment container. Again, a waste as I don’t use these and ultimately dispose of them somewhere.

Then there are the plastic trinkets – key chains, flashlights, Tchotchke of many descriptions…..how much of this does one person need? Since most of my cars have remote entry fobs, I never use key chains any more. And, the flashlights generally don’t work when needed, which usually causes me to hurl them angrily into the nearest trash receptacle, thereby adding to the landfill once again. Too much junk!

Oh, and the refrigerator magnets Why would I plaster a four by six inch refrigerator magnet for some non-local Real Estate Agent or Chirorpactor on my kitchen Amana? Into the trash it goes… And, how many years does it take to break down a vinyl magnet??

Then, if you think about it, there is the whole T-shirt thing too. The latest trend is to provide Technical T-shirts to all participants, which, unlike Cotton shirts, you may actually wear to another event or workout with in the future. These shirts wick, and are lightweight and are therefore nice, however there are two personal issues. One, they are usually made out of some polyester derivative, meaning they are oil-based and two, having done upwards of 35 races last year, I amass SOOO many cool technical shirts, I generally wind up folding them neatly, and cramming them into a Rubbermaid storage tote (also made out of Oil-based plastic!) for later consideration. They then wind up on the same rotation schedule as the Medals, which mean I may look at them again once a year…….Although, or a regular basis I do in fact order them in medium to send to my ex-wife Jean as part of our alimony arrangement. I also bequeath at least a half dozen XL’s a year to my ex-father in law who continues to be thrilled wear T-shirts from such exotic locales as Hilbert, Wisconsin from races he hasn’t run. And, I’ve gotta say they do look better on him than they do on me, and I do appreciate the irony of providing that experience to him. Anyway, it’s still more stuff and more of the Racing Carbon Footprint that may not be considered.

The races themselves provide truckloads of litter, from the used cups that are trampled underfoot to the pouches of Gatorade that are slit and dumped into great big (plastic!!) containers, to the wrappers from snacks, plastic water bottles, soda cans, beer cups…..the list goes on and on and it’s quite a lot, with a large amount of petroleum based products, paper, and energy consumed to launch even a small event. And, don’t forget that mostly we DRIVE to and from Races – it would be terrible to actually get some exercise on our way to exert ourselves!!!

Then there is the whole Portopottie thing (okay, I'm not EVEN going to get started on that....)

So, having gone on this multi-page rant, what to do? (and, how do I conclude this blog – mainly I wanted to brag about my AG placements since turning 50, and now look what happened)

I wonder how we as runners can get more green? And, where to start. It seems the collective mindset and high expectations we’ve all formed around running events which cause us to expect, no, demand – proper libations, a cool tech shirt and more and more bling is causing us to be part of the problem and not the solution.

I know I’m guilty of all that. Look at my blogs where I natter on (or chortle) about the libations, t-shirt, bling et al. What else would I complain about?

Any thoughts gang? Talk amongst yourselves………

Note to my executor……please find a good way to donate my race bling - some local kids charity or something. I’ll be ashes once I’ve trotted off to the great beyond, so let’s not add any more to the landfill than we have too!